#14 Gratefulness.

Hi :)

Heute habe ich ein etwas anderes Anliegen als von etwas zu berichten... Ich will einfach mal drauf los schreiben, was ich fühle und wie es mir hier geht. Und da ich mich momentan besser auf Englisch ausdrücken kann, die meisten Menschen Englisch sprechen und dies mein Blog ist, werde ich es auf Englisch verfassen.

The past few days in particular have showed me how incredibly grateful I am for being here in New Zealand and for living my life. It's the end of summer holidays and a bunch of new international students are arriving in Nelson right now; I'm honored to have had the opportunity to meet a few of them already and as much as I could give them through showing them around, giving heaps of information and introducing them to my friends, they could show me how admirable my life and my experiences here are. Of course I have always known how wonderful everything here is and I absolutely love it, but telling all those stories I have lived makes me see it so much clearer again. Travelling this beautiful country, swimming with dolphins, bungy jumping, seeing whales, seals, penguins, albatrosses and sea lions and jumping into cold as rivers, sleeping outside with -5°C and watching the most beautiful night sky and sunrise possible, going mountain biking, kayaking, tramping and swimming in the most beautiful places. 

I'm living my dream and how lucky am I, to be able to do that... I have made friendships with people from all over the world, I have seen the most stunning nature and animals in their normal habitat and most importantly, I have created myself as a person I can truly love and that, I believe, is the greatest gift of all. I know myself now, I accept myself and I love myself for who I am and I'm not sure if I could've done that without my time here. 

Living in this country on the other side of the world has given me a completely different view on everything... Here, I would listen to a song that gets played everywhere 24/7 and think it's known and successful in the whole world, when later I find out that it actually only has 30,000 views on YouTube and nobody outside New Zealand has ever heard of its existence. Here, I can never be sure whether a trend here is also a trend back home in Germany at the moment or not and that allows me to just live here. It took me so long to realise I am actually here and now I feel like I'm finally at a point, where I just live. I'm not spending my time thinking that my stay is limited, trying to understand how far away from home I am or figuring everything new out. Now I have an everyday life that isn't always as spectacular as my blog shows it, but that I love and make the most out of. I can call my host family just my family because it really feels like it and I know all the streets here, know where to go and what to do. This place has become my home just as much as my hometown and I will forever have it in my heart. Never will I forget how annoying it is that the last bus on a weekend leaves at 4:30 pm and after that you always have trouble going home or that you say thank you to the bus driver and get free water anywhere you go. Besides all these exciting things I am enjoying the small things in life so much and I am keeping my promise not to miss a single opportunity anymore, no matter what it requires. 

I have been here for almost seven months now and I loved every single second of it. It will never be possible for me to find the exact words to describe what an exchange feels like, but no matter how scared you are - you need to do it. You will go away for a year and come back, having experienced more than you will ever be able to tell. You will get to know yourself, you will become so self confident and you will never think of something as impossible anymore. You will arrive not knowing anybody or anything and all those strangers you imagined before leaving home will become your family and closest friends. You will be here, knowing that you will never be alone no matter where you are because you will always be able to build yourself a new life. I have so much faith in my future now, knowing I can always do this again and I lost all my fear of leaving home and living elsewhere. 

My point is, every exchange is different and every person experiences it differently. But I can promise that no matter what, it will be the best year of your life if you only want it to be. It is your choice and it's in your own hands to make it count because every single day you make a decision between staying at home or doing whatever you feel like doing. Some days here I leave home at 9 am and come back 12 hours later, having been to the market, the movies, a restaurant, a concert and the beach and trust me, I fall asleep with a smile on my face every single day. 

I count myself to the luckiest and happiest people in the world now and I know it won't stop when I go back home because it's all my decision. I chose to be happy and I chose to live my life to the fullest - there's nothing that can get in my way, not even myself anymore. 

One of my new international friends recently told me she wants to live my life and that really made me appreciate my own life so much more. Why don't we all take a second of our time and let go of the thought that our lives are not admirable? Hearing that another person is jealous of my life made me forget all negativity and just makes me feel so incredibly proud and happy of what I have managed to do. Falling asleep and waking up with a smile on my face is the most wonderful thing I can possibly imagine and I will never let it end. 

We all deserve our best chances. Please give yourself yours.